


the incredible hunk

by newsbypostcard



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Humour, M/M, Pining, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6893485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsbypostcard/pseuds/newsbypostcard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>sam wilson</b><br/><em>(4:20pm)</em> listen i'm not immune to certain<br/><em>(4:22pm)</em> realities<br/><em>(4:24pm)</em> cap's an attractive man. anyone can see that<br/><em>(4:24pm)</em> just because i can see what's standing in front of me doesn't mean i *pine*</p><p><b>natasha romanov</b><br/><em>(4:26pm)</em> no?</p><p><b>sam wilson</b><br/><em>(4:26pm)</em> no.</p><p><b>natasha romanov</b><br/><em>(4:27pm)</em> okay.</p><p>[CIVIL WAR SPOILERS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. June 3 2016

**Author's Note:**

> obviously i love steve rogers so much, but this is all in the spirit of telling a bunch of jokes that might come off as a bit insensitive in context. i had a LARGE heart attack when i saw sam went to the funeral with him and i haven't been able to shake a joke about a typo about steve rogers' excellent bod. two unrelated things that have yielded.... this.

  


**sam wilson**  
_(3:16pm)_ hey.  
_(3:16pm)_ just left cap

 **natasha romanov**  
_(3:18pm)_ hey :/  
_(3:18pm)_ how's he doing

 **sam wilson**  
_(3:19pm)_ in it pretty rough  
_(3:19pm)_ i dunno the first thing to offer him  
_(3:20pm)_ what says 'sorry your girlfriend from 70 yrs ago died from complications of alzheimers'  
_(3:20pm)_ nothing  
_(3:20pm)_ nothing says that  
_(3:20pm)_ a cake  
_(3:20pm)_ a death cake

 **natasha romanov**  
_(3:21pm)_ don't get him a death cake

 **sam wilson**  
_(3:21pm)_ i'm not gonna get him a death cake.  
_(3:22pm)_ who do you think i am

 **natasha romanov**  
_(3:23pm)_ just making sure  
_(3:25pm)_ i mean you know why he's taking it like this. he's still mourning past losses even without them literally dying around him  
_(3:25pm)_ gotta be hitting him pretty hard. i think she was the last one left  
_(3:25pm)_ besides the winter soldier i mean but let's be real  
_(3:25pm)_ she was the last one left.

 **sam wilson**  
_(3:26pm)_ yeah :/ just wish he'd...  
_(3:27pm)_ anyway. can't fault him for being a wreck  
_(3:27pm)_ i know for me when riley died it was just  
_(3:29pm)_ well.  
_(3:29pm)_ maybe there is no comparison.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(3:31pm)_ :(  
_(3:31pm)_ you're being there. that's enough

 **sam wilson**  
_(3:32pm)_ hope so. i don't know what else i can do. wish i did.  
_(3:32pm)_ i hope it's enough.

  


  


  


**natasha romanov**  
_(3:58pm)_ so

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:01pm)_ ….yeah? what?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:01pm)_ nothing.  
_(4:01pm)_ just wondering  
_(4:01pm)_ how you're doing  
_(4:01pm)_ with all this

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:03pm)_ with all what.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:05pm)_ you. steve. mourning peggy carter.  
_(4:05pm)_ how's that going for you

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:06pm)_ did i not just  
_(4:06pm)_ ….oh no  
_(4:06pm)_ no  
_(4:06pm)_ im not doing this with you today natasha  
_(4:06pm)_ put that shit away

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:06pm)_ i'm just saying it has to be hard

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:07pm)_ it's not hard. who's hard?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:08pm)_ ...wow.  
_(4:08pm)_ i didn't even mean that but. sure. okay. if that's how you wanna go with this

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:09pm)_ ...have i told you yet today that i hate you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:10pm)_ i'm just saying!

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:10pm)_ a woman is DEAD and you're making penis jokes

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:10pm)_ you made the joke, not me!

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:11pm)_ you started it

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:11pm)_ okay. sorry. 'hard' is off limits. gotcha. any other words i shouldn't say  
_(4:11pm)_ nothing about how g r u e l l i n g this must be  
_(4:11pm)_ nothing about how this effort to move past this will be  
_(4:11pm)_ h e r c u l e a n

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:11pm)_ natasha.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:12pm)_ he's gonna have to s c u l p t  
_(4:12pm)_ his way out of this grief  
_(4:13pm)_ just think of all the h e a v i n g effort  
_(4:13pm)_ that's gonna require

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:13pm)_ what  
_(4:13pm)_ in god's almighty name  
_(4:13pm)_ is wrong with you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:15pm)_ he's got a rough road ahead of him  
_(4:15pm)_ a r o u g h  
_(4:15pm)_ c o a r s e  
_(4:15pm)_ road

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:17pm)_ you better be glad we're not talking in person right now or we'd be having a problem

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:17pm)_ sorry. i just see the way you look at him  
_(4:17pm)_ every single day  
_(4:17pm)_ when you think no one's looking  
_(4:18pm)_ and so i know how totally pathetic and entirely tragic you are  
_(4:18pm)_ and i know that must be difficult for you right now

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:19pm)_ okay  
_(4:19pm)_ i don't do that but thanks for your concern

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:20pm)_ what do you call it then?

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:20pm)_ im  
_(4:20pm)_ listen i'm not immune to certain  
_(4:22pm)_ realities  
_(4:24pm)_ cap's an attractive man. anyone can see that  
_(4:24pm)_ just because i can see what's standing in front of me doesn't mean i *pine*

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:26pm)_ no?

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:26pm)_ no.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:27pm)_ okay.

  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(6:42pm)_ there's gotta be something more we can do  
_(6:42pm)_ im starting to come back around to that death cake idea  
_(6:42pm)_ i hate seeing him like this. small. it's not natural. dude should be  
_(6:42pm)_ you know  
_(6:42pm)_ a. big size.  
_(6:42pm)_ which is normal. for him. the normal size.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:44pm)_ :-D

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:44pm)_ oh mmmy god romanov give it a REST  
_(6:45pm)_ im concerned for my friend.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:45pm)_ ok

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:46pm)_ i hate it when you do that. 'ok'  
_(6:46pm)_ you're not fooling anyone

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:46pm)_ i could say the same

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:46pm)_ no you could not because you are not correct  
_(6:47pm)_ i am always correct one hundred percent of the time  
_(6:47pm)_ ergo  
_(6:48pm)_ ...fuck you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:48pm)_ compelling argument there sam

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:48pm)_ look. just. he looked really crushed  
_(6:48pm)_ you know?  
_(6:48pm)_ really crushed.  
_(6:48pm)_ never knew a man that hunky could look so tiny

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:48pm)_ ...what  
_(6:49pm)_ a man that what

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:49pm)_ GODDMANIT  
_(6:49pm)_ *HULK  
_(6:49pm)_ *HULTMYN

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:49pm)_ :-D

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:49pm)_ ***HULKING

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:49pm)_ wow.

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:49pm)_ DO NOT TEST ME ROMANOV

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:49pm)_ listen. we all get a little lax when we're tired.

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:49pm)_ iM NOT ?? oh my god  
_(6:49pm)_ don't tell him i said that. PLEASE don't tell him i said that

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:50pm)_ i thought you meant he was ***hulking anyways?

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:50pm)_ i did. you can tell him hes hulking. not sure why you would  
_(6:50pm)_ on second thought don't do that either. he's a regular sized man.  
_(6:52pm)_ ...what are you doing  
_(6:54pm)_ ......natasha. please. im begging you. in a manly way  
_(6:56pm)_ .........ROMANOV

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:58pm)_ i'm not tattling on you to rogers, will you relax? i'm on a mission

 **sam wilson**  
_(6:58pm)_ you're at the supermarket.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(7:00pm)_ tracking me now?  
_(7:00pm)_ ever been to this store friday nights? it's mission enough  
_(7:00pm)_ why don't you want steve to know you have feelings for him?

 **sam wilson**  
_(7:06pm)_ ...I beg your Pardon ??

 **natasha romanov**  
_(7:07pm)_ wow.

 **sam wilson**  
_(7:07pm)_ What are you implying ?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(7:08pm)_ oh, man. you're that fargone already huh

 **sam wilson**  
_(7:12pm)_ who's fargone? i'm near here. i'm great.  
_(7:12pm)_ fuck you.  
_(7:13pm)_ look i'll admit the guy's  
_(7:13pm)_ you know  
_(7:13pm)_ hulking  
_(7:13pm)_ enough  
_(7:13pm)_ but that  
_(7:13pm)_ no one said anything about  
_(7:13pm)_ whatever you said. feelings or whatever. none of that here  
_(7:13pm)_ okay?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(7:14pm)_ OK…… sure. well i gotta drive home now.  
_(7:14pm)_ you just sit with yourself and figure out what you're doing with your life while rogers is at home, alone, sad, ALONE, in need of comfort...

 **sam wilson**  
_(7:14pm)_ subtle. 

**natasha romanov**  
_(7:14pm)_ you'd really leave him alone to put in a l l o f t h a t e f f o r t, sam  
_(7:14pm)_ by himself  
_(7:14pm)_ with no strong arms to hold him  
_(7:14pm)_ that's cold. that's real cold.

 **sam wilson**  
_(7:15pm)_ don't bother driving safe

 **natasha romanov**  
_(7:16pm)_ :)

  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(9:46pm)_ ok  
_(9:46pm)_ so hypothetically  
_(9:46pm)_ if you were…… not entirely wrong  
_(9:46pm)_ with what you were saying  
_(9:46pm)_ before

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:49pm)_ there's the boy. all caught up now?

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:49pm)_ im not sure what you are referring to  
_(9:49pm)_ specifically  
_(9:49pm)_ but if i was asking about something we might have discussed previously to now  
_(9:49pm)_ i suppose my first question would be  
_(9:49pm)_ what the hell is happening to me and how do i make it stop

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:50pm)_ well, correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems to me like you're both strong, muscular, beautiful combat veterans with superpowers of varying levels and an uncanny ability to show up just in time to save the other from undue harm….  
_(9:50pm)_ seems only natural  
_(9:51pm)_ what's to stop?  
_(9:51pm)_ i say go for it  
_(9:51pm)_ after an appropriate period of mourning, of course.

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:52pm)_ ok  
_(9:52pm)_ but if i did  
_(9:52pm)_ say  
_(9:52pm)_ have  
_(9:53pm)_ ffffffemotions  
_(9:53pm)_ regarding  
_(9:53pm)_ cap...tain rogers

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:53pm)_ wow.

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:53pm)_ stop saying that.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:53pm)_ sorry. this is just… WOW…

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:54pm)_ shut up.  
_(9:54pm)_ the thing is more that ive been doing a good job of  
_(9:54pm)_ you know  
_(9:54pm)_ not paying attention  
_(9:54pm)_ to ……whatever this is  
_(9:54pm)_ & now i'm here  
_(9:54pm)_ definitely dying from it  
_(9:54pm)_ and im wondering  
_(9:55pm)_ how to stop dying  
_(9:55pm)_ long enough  
_(9:55pm)_ to ask cap to do the nasty  
_(9:55pm)_ if that was what i wanted  
_(9:55pm)_ hypothetically  
_(9:55pm)_ because i definitely cant fuck him if i'm dead  
_(9:55pm)_ im assuming  


**natasha romanov**  
_(9:56pm)_ wilson  
_(9:56pm)_ are you asking me to explain feelings to you  
_(9:56pm)_ because i totally will  
_(9:56pm)_ i just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about that  
_(9:56pm)_ first of all when one person wants to put their boner about another person into that person  
_(9:56pm)_ that is generally what we call "attraction"

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:56pm)_ i think i wanna offer to go to peggy's funeral ? is that weird  
_(9:56pm)_ oh my god what no. please do not go about explaining feelings to me  
_(9:56pm)_ you've done enough as it is. thank you. thank you very much

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:57pm)_ ???? sam  
_(9:57pm)_ please think long and hard (heh heh)  
_(9:57pm)_ about whether you really want your FIRST DATE  
_(9:57pm)_ to be his EX'S FUNERAL

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:57pm)_ WHO SAID DATE  
_(9:58pm)_ NOBODY SAID DATE  
_(9:58pm)_ NOBODY BRINGS A DATE TO A FUNERAL WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:58pm)_ :-D

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:58pm)_ trying to offer MORAL SUPPORT TO A FRIEND  
_(9:58pm)_ that's it.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:59pm)_ yeah. a friend who wants him to watch that falcon rising

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:59pm)_ the  
_(9:59pm)_ what  
_(9:59pm)_ natasha  
_(9:59pm)_ what the fuck.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:59pm)_ you thought about it didn't you

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:59pm)_ i  
_(9:59pm)_ hate you  
_(9:59pm)_ so much  
_(9:59pm)_ cannot believe i thought talking to you about this was a good idea

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:00pm)_ hey pal. you texted me

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:00pm)_ i know i texted you. behold the dimensions of my despair  
_(10:01pm)_ "falcon rising"  
_(10:01pm)_ it's not even clever innuendo  
_(10:01pm)_ if youre gonna be like this  
_(10:01pm)_ do it better

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:01pm)_ yet here you are still thinking about it

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:02pm)_ i dont know what you're implying  
_(10:02pm)_ you know what  
_(10:02pm)_ just for that romanov i am blocking your ass. congratulations  
_(10:02pm)_ youve just been falconblocked

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:02pm)_ you wouldn't.  
_(10:04pm)_ sam  
_(10:12pm)_ sam???????  
_(10:15pm)_ w o w.  
_(10:15pm)_ you know just based on this i think it's pretty clear i'm not the only one who's falconblocked.

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:16pm)_ YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:16pm)_ haha. i knew you wouldn't actually block me  
_(10:18pm)_ would you  
_(10:22pm)_ sam  
_(10:37pm)_ ...sam?


	2. June 24, 2016

**steve rogers**  
_(10:17am)_ I think I have feelings for Sam.  
_(10:18am)_ Romantic ones, I mean.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:18am)_ oh?  
_(10:18am)_ really  
_(10:18am)_ interesting.

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:18am)_ Or sexual… anyway. You get the gist.  
_(10:18am)_ Is it?  
_(10:19am)_ I mean. I guess it could be.  
_(10:19am)_ I've only just thought of it. I'm not really sure what it is yet.  
_(10:21am)_ ...Why would it be interesting?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:22am)_ no reason  
_(10:22am)_ you're only just thinking this for the first time now? i kinda thought you guys had a whole rapport thing going.

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:24am)_ I guess we do.  
_(10:25am)_ There's a lot going on. I was glad to see Sharon. Plus Peggy, and seeing Bucky...  
_(10:25am)_ Anyway.  
_(10:25am)_ I guess I… yeah. I'm worried.  
_(10:25am)_ I can see why I've looked indecisive but I'm uh  
_(10:26am)_ I'm pretty sure about this.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:27am)_ okay. that's fair.  
_(10:27am)_ i think you can both be indecisive and know you like sam  
_(10:27am)_ these can both be true

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:28am)_ I guess they can.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:31am)_ you okay?

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:31am)_ Yeah.  
_(10:31am)_ I uh  
_(10:32am)_ I don't know how to uh

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:32am)_ spit it out, steve

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:32am)_ He flies, Natasha.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:33am)_ ah.  
_(10:33am)_ that does it for you?

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:33am)_ Apparently.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:33am)_ wow

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:33am)_ What?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:33am)_ nothing  
_(10:34am)_ you just spent so long knocking my date ideas out of the air  
_(10:34am)_ i guess i never thought to look right next to you  
_(10:35am)_ or above you. whatever.

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:36am)_ Yeah… haha  
_(10:36am)_ Me neither.  
_(10:37am)_ I mean it's not just the flying.  
_(10:37am)_ He's a good man. A really  
_(10:37am)_ really  
_(10:37am)_ good

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:38am)_ steve?

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:38am)_ yeah  
_(10:38am)_ sorry

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:39am)_ when you get all lower case like that i get worried you're typing with one hand  
_(10:39am)_ and then i get worried as to why  
_(10:40am)_ ...steven.  
_(10:41am)_ jesus christ.

  


  


  


**natasha romanov**  
_(10:41am)_ so have you and steve talked at all

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:41am)_ no.  
_(10:41am)_ i mean, generally  
_(10:41am)_ current affairs, global politics  
_(10:42am)_ but if you're talking about what i think you're talking about  
_(10:42am)_ then no.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:42am)_ and what am i talking about

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:42am)_ you're gonna make me WORK to talk about my hangups with you? uh uh. bye now

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:42am)_ what hangups would those be? remind me

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:43am)_ don't make me block you again.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:43am)_ ok ok sorry  
_(10:43am)_ i just wondered.  
_(10:43am)_ i really think you should, though  
_(10:43am)_ talk to him i mean

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:43am)_ what about  
_(10:43am)_ taking him to bed with me or the other thing

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:44am)_ you mean your ***hulking feelings boner

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:44am)_ finger over block button

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:44am)_ sorry sorry i'll be good  
_(10:44am)_ honestly though  
_(10:44am)_ either or  
_(10:45am)_ i'm not saying this to be mean sam but you're looking pretty miserable these days  
_(10:45am)_ i just think even talking it out and clearing the air might really help  
_(10:45am)_ regardless of how he feels about you  
_(10:46am)_ you know?  
_(10:48am)_ sam?

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:50am)_ i don't know, natasha. i'm tired. i'm still recovering from being stuck in the fucking ocean. what do you want me to say?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:50am)_ that you pined about him the whole time relentlessly?

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:50am)_ for the last time, i don't PINE  
_(10:50am)_ second of all

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:50am)_ that you're ready to confess your undying love to him?

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:50am)_ i don't think i'm ready for  
_(10:50am)_ no  
_(10:50am)_ no.  
_(10:50am)_ listen.  
_(10:51am)_ that guy gets his ass beat on the daily as it is  
_(10:51am)_ he doesn't need me doing it for him on top of it all BOOM  
_(10:51am)_ lol sorry that was just lying there  
_(10:51am)_ like steve would be once i pound him stupid  
_(10:51am)_ BOOM AGAIN

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:52am)_ sam...

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:52am)_ you started this  
_(10:52am)_ anyway he's dead devoted to that monosyllabic greaseball who's now back in the ice  
_(10:52am)_ i can't compete with seventy years of history  
_(10:53am)_ am i supposed to just wait for it to be time for him to come back so i can get dumped? no thanks, pass

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:53am)_ wait hang on. did you just say you weren't ready for this?

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:53am)_ uh  
_(10:53am)_ well  
_(10:54am)_ ...yeah :/

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:54am)_ okay that's interesting. i didn't know that.  
_(10:54am)_ why don't you think you're ready for this?

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:54am)_ i kinda can't even admit to feelings for the guy, for starters

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:54am)_ so you DO have feelings

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:55am)_ you lose track of whether you're a help or a menace twice a minute don't you  
_(10:55am)_ hard to shake that double agent life

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:55am)_ ouch.

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:55am)_ ugh. sorry. vulnerability's not my...  
_(10:55am)_ look. i just watched cap destroy an airport in support of his dead boyfriend  
_(10:56am)_ and i get his reasons. i get there were principles. i admire the man his principles.  
_(10:56am)_ but making the kind of decisions he did  
_(10:56am)_ he didn't even flinch  
_(10:57am)_ you know? he just… ran off into the distance  
_(10:57am)_ with another man  
_(10:57am)_ he barely argued when i said i was gonna give myself up  
_(10:57am)_ i don't expect him to be a saint but  
_(10:58am)_ i guess it hurt.  
_(10:59am)_ i didn't even expect him to break me out of prison in the end.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:00am)_ whoa  
_(11:00am)_ really?

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:00am)_ i hoped it. i wondered. but i was never sure.  
_(11:00am)_ the kinda thing i'd want with him is obviously more intense than he wants with me, anyway.  
_(11:01am)_ i'm not about to put myself out there only for him to shoot me out of the sky.  
_(11:01am)_ i can dodge a lot but i'm not sure i can dodge that.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:01am)_ sam.  
_(11:01am)_ wow.

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:01am)_ look. im gonna stop talking to you if you're gonna be like this every time

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:02am)_ i'm being sincere. that's a lot. i'm sorry you're going through this. that sounds… hard.  
_(11:02am)_ i wouldn't have pushed if i'd known.

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:02am)_ ...ok  
_(11:02am)_ thanks.  
_(11:03am)_ i guess that's a sign that i shouldn't… say anything.  
_(11:03am)_ that you agree.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:03am)_ well, no. i wouldn't say that. let me think about it.  
_(11:05am)_ i'm on your side, sam. really, i am. i hope you can believe that.

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:06am)_ i know you are, romanov. relax.

  


  


  


**steve rogers**  
_(10:44am)_ sorry im here

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:48am)_ i'm not saying another goddamn word to you until your punctuation comes back

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:49am)_ It's not what you think.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:51am)_ since you're not super forthcoming with an alternative explanation please just let's move on  
_(10:51am)_ feelings. sam wilson.  
_(10:51am)_ what do you want to do about it?

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:52am)_ I was basting my chicken.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:53am)_ i know you were sweet pea  
_(10:54am)_ though if you're gonna start jerking off while texting you really have to type casually all the time to stop people figuring it out

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:54am)_ I have a literal chicken in the oven! I wasn't jerking off.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:55am)_ ok. i believe you.  
_(10:55am)_ sam. feelings. what're you gonna do

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:57am)_ I don't know.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:57am)_ okay, great. good talk

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:58am)_ You still think I was jerking off don't you.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:58am)_ i think you got a lot of pent up feelings there rogers

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:58am)_ Anything I can say to convince you  
_(10:58am)_ Anything at all

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:58am)_ nope

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:59am)_ Okay then. Have fun with that image in your head for the rest of your life.  
_(10:59am)_ I think he's upset I left him in Leipzig.  
_(10:59am)_ We've been talking about everything but and I want to bring it up  
_(11:00am)_ But on the other hand I'm really… worried.  
_(11:00am)_ About what I'll say. If I do.  
_(11:00am)_ So I don't.  
_(11:00am)_ So he stays upset.  
_(11:01am)_ Catch-22.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:04am)_ ah. finally got through heller huh

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:04am)_ I can't always be jerking off while texting.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:04am)_ hahaha :-D  
_(11:04am)_ why do you think he's mad about leipzig? seems like he'd understand.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:05am)_ I wouldn't. If I were him.  
_(11:05am)_ Two years of having each others' backs and then I just… bail?  
_(11:06am)_ Look. It's complicated. I love Bucky. I loved Peggy. I like Sharon.  
_(11:06am)_ Sam's seen all of my dirty laundry and somehow just gone along with all of it.  
_(11:07am)_ I let him get arrested to deal with my own shit  
_(11:07am)_ Then I just left him there for a week while me and Bucky  
_(11:07am)_ You know  
_(11:07am)_ Another man  
_(11:07am)_ Figured out what to do next  
_(11:08am)_ That doesn't exactly spell "hey Sam let's try hanging out naked."

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:08am)_ aw steve  
_(11:08am)_ you've got a crazy life. sam knows that.  
_(11:09am)_ just tell him how you feel  
_(11:09am)_ nothing like 'i'm sorry and i want you in me' to clear things up, you know?

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:11am)_ :/

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:12am)_ holy shit. you just used an emoji 

**steve rogers**  
_(11:12am)_ It was appropriate.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:12am)_ this is serious then  
_(11:12am)_ why not at least apologize? it sounds like it can only help.  
_(11:12am)_ open up a conversation  
_(11:12am)_ among other things ;) ;) ;)

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:13am)_ Because I'd do it all exactly the same.  
_(11:13am)_ Stop winking.  
_(11:14am)_ I might regret how I had to handle it but it doesn't change that I had to handle it that way.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:14am)_ :/

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:14am)_ Yeah. See? Appropriate.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:14am)_ well… what about going forward?  
_(11:14am)_ i don't think he expects you to make perfect decisions every time.  
_(11:15am)_ if you can own up to the fact that it was a complex situation  
_(11:15am)_ and promise him that unless your old army buddy is being targeted for assassination by an organization who wants to use him to destroy  
_(11:15am)_ like  
_(11:15am)_ pretty much everything  
_(11:16am)_ it won't happen like that again  
_(11:16am)_ that might be good enough for him.  
_(11:16am)_ he's a reasonable guy

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:18am)_ I'm worried he thinks I'm Captain America now.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:19am)_ hate to be the one to break it to you but you are captain america  
_(11:24am)_ ...steve?

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:25am)_ I think I want a break from being Captain America.  
_(11:25am)_ I think that's why I... feel this way about Sam, in part.  
_(11:26am)_ He always talked to Steve.  
_(11:26am)_ Right from the beginning, when we first met, he talked to the person under all this posturing.  
_(11:26am)_ He didn't give two shakes about Captain America. He wanted to work as partners, Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers, you know?  
_(11:26am)_ First time I'd really felt like that since they broke me out of the ice.  
_(11:27am)_ He's always had my back. Even when I didn't have his.  
_(11:28am)_ And now I'm worried I've convinced him I'm not worth having gotten back in.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:28am)_ steve you're breaking my heart

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:30am)_ He asked me once what makes me happy. I think I forgot to… find out.  
_(11:30am)_ I'm ready now.  
_(11:32am)_ I gotta talk to him. I just don't want to... I dunno. Push him away even more.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:33am)_ i really don't think you will, steve.  
_(11:33am)_ it'll clear the air. be good for you both.  
_(11:33am)_ even if you confess your feelings and he says he doesn't reciprocate

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:33am)_ Whoa whoa whoa  
_(11:33am)_ Who said anything about confessing my feelings  
_(11:33am)_ No way  
_(11:34am)_ Nice try though  
_(11:34am)_ I just want him to feel okay with us again so we can keep fighting the good fight  
_(11:34am)_ On -our- terms. Not on mine.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:34am)_ oh… okay  
_(11:35am)_ well i mean that's one approach  
_(11:35am)_ on the other hand you could just say what's on your mind

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:35am)_ Thanks, but I think I'd rather keep basting my own chicken than risk alienating him further.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:36am)_ wow. thank you for reinforcing that image for me, i appreciate it.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:36am)_ No problem.  
_(11:37am)_ Thank YOU. I didn't mean to dump all this on you.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:37am)_ no problem, steve  
_(11:39am)_ you know i'm on your side, right?

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:39am)_ :) always.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:40am)_ that's TWO emojis. you are in love aren't you  
_(11:40am)_ just use these on sam and it'll be the only conversation you need to have  
_(11:41am)_ don't use the chicken emoji though  
_(11:41am)_ especially if you're talking about sex  
_(11:41am)_ just a little 21st century tip

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:42am)_ Thanks, Natasha. Thank you. I know I can always count on you for useful, relevant, and not at all vulgar advice.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:43am)_ what can i say  
_(11:43am)_ it's a gift


	3. July 4, 2016

**sam wilson**  
_(9:28am)_ okay. it's america day  
_(9:28am)_ day of america  
_(9:28am)_ ive decided im gonna clear the air with the captain thereof  
_(9:29am)_ no going back now  
_(9:29am)_ im committed  
_(9:30am)_ totally committed  
_(9:31am)_ definitely committed

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:32am)_ wow. im proud of you, sam.

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:33am)_ mmmmmmmmmm no im not i cant do it

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:33am)_ once again  
_(9:33am)_ wow

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:33am)_ romanov i'm trying to confide in you here  
_(9:33am)_ voluntarily  
_(9:34am)_ don't make it harder than it needs to be

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:34am)_ i'm just impressed at the turnaround time  
_(9:34am)_ it took you less than two minutes to talk yourself out of it

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:34am)_ less than that even  
_(9:35am)_ just couldn't make my fingers stop sliding on this piece of shit phone

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:35am)_ aw sam  
_(9:35am)_ he makes you all sweaty palmed  
_(9:35am)_ all weak kneed  
_(9:36am)_ a little queasy  
_(9:36am)_ maybe even a little loopy

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:36am)_ whos weak kneed  
_(9:36am)_ not me  
_(9:36am)_ youve got me mistaken for someone else  
_(9:36am)_ the sweating is just  
_(9:37am)_ desire  
_(9:37am)_ masculine desire  
_(9:37am)_ pulsating masculinity

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:38am)_ please don't say pulsating masculinity to me again

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:38am)_ oh ho  
_(9:39am)_ finally have we found the place where romanov's ability to interfere starts to crumble  
_(9:39am)_ if i start describing sex acts will you stay out of how i conduct mine

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:39am)_ probably not but you could try  
_(9:40am)_ i can forward those texts to steve for you  
_(9:40am)_ make him really confused about what you want

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:41am)_ why do i never win in combat with you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:41am)_ lack of natural talent?

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:41am)_ that's okay. im good at other things  
_(9:41am)_ u wanna hear about them

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:42am)_ we literally just went over how i'll forward that shit to steve if you keep it up a minute ago.  
_(9:42am)_ you are off your game.

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:42am)_ guess i am  
_(9:42am)_ guess that's all it is  
_(9:43am)_ glad you agree i would normally win here

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:43am)_ okay. you keep telling yourself that  
_(9:43am)_ clear the air with steve, sam. p l e a s e. it's past time.  
_(9:43am)_ your weeping is starting to get to me  
_(9:43am)_ you're rivalling steve for most puppylike face in the metropolitan area  
_(9:43am)_ talk to him. if not for you then for me  
_(9:43am)_ please sam. please.  
_(9:44am)_ let me live again.

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:44am)_ excuse me. i don't weep. i have never wept in my life,  
_(9:44am)_ and i dont look like a puppy.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:44am)_ ok  
_(9:45am)_ [SAM-RESTING-SAD-FACE.IMG]  
_(9:45am)_ so i didn't take that last week then

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:45am)_ ...oh my god  
_(9:45am)_ i mean no  
_(9:45am)_ that's  
_(9:45am)_ uh  
_(9:46am)_ i was watching a bunny roll over and it was... sad.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:46am)_ you were watching an egg cook and you know it.  
_(9:46am)_ also if you thought that would salvage you it did not have the intended effect  
_(9:46am)_ 'bunny'?

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:46am)_ a rabbit  
_(9:47am)_ fierce fuckers. big teeth.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:47am)_ uh huh.  
_(9:47am)_ go meet steve and stop annoying me

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:48am)_ ok ok fine  
_(9:48am)_ im gonna do it  
_(9:49am)_ gonna tell steve i'm still fucked up about leipzig  
_(9:49am)_ admit to being an emotional catastrophe  
_(9:49am)_ that is definitely gonna go well and not at all badly  
_(9:49am)_ i definitely won't fly away partway through  
_(9:49am)_ great. sounds like a plan.  
_(9:50am)_ i really hate that you've been here for me through this whole thing by the way  
_(9:50am)_ i hate you in general  
_(9:51am)_ just thought you should know in case i barrel off a bridge instead of facing this

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:51am)_ i know wilson. i hate you too. i've never believed in you for a second.

  


  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(9:58am)_ hey any chance you might wanna come over and kill me instead  
_(9:58am)_ i'll get hammered first  
_(9:58am)_ make it easier for you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(9:59am)_ i would but i'm busy doing literally anything else with my life

 **sam wilson**  
_(9:59am)_ what kind of friend are you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:00am)_ you could always get plastered anyway

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:00am)_ nah  
_(10:01am)_ i'll wait until after  
_(10:01am)_ when i've sabotaged any shot i've ever had at ever even talking to cap again

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:02am)_ it's good to plan ahead  
_(10:03am)_ it's gonna go fine, sam.  
_(10:03am)_ you just have to go do it.

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:03am)_ OH IS THAT ALL  
_(10:04am)_ JUST GO TELL THE MAN THAT IM ONLY STILL MAD AT HIM BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM AND THAT I CAN'T MOVE ON  
_(10:04am)_ UNTIL HE TELLS ME ONCE AND FOR ALL HES NOT INTERESTED  
_(10:04am)_ SURE NAT  
_(10:04am)_ REAL SIMPLE  
_(10:04am)_ I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:04am)_ oh my god  
_(10:04am)_ well, at least your speech is ready.

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:05am)_ ok im going.  
_(10:05am)_ this is fine fine fine fine.  
_(10:05am)_ it's finnne  
_(10:06am)_ it's fine.  
_(10:07am)_ no sorry i definitely need you to kill me  
_(10:07am)_ like right now  


**natasha romanov**  
_(10:08am)_ GO, SAM.

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:09am)_ put me out of my misery i cant go on like this  
_(10:12am)_ nat are you there  
_(10:17am)_ romanov??  
_(10:22am)_ thank you. thank you VERY much. a true friend

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:23am)_ you'll thank me someday

 **sam wilson**  
_(10:23am)_ please nat  
_(10:23am)_ hes so beautiful and im but a weak willed man  
_(10:23am)_ a mortal man  
_(10:24am)_ a helpless man  
_(10:24am)_ what if i just lick his jaw right there in public  
_(10:24am)_ i cant face him now  
_(10:24am)_ you have to kill me nat its the only way to restore balance to the world  
_(10:27am)_ natasha  
_(10:29am)_ nat????

  


  


  


  


**steve rogers**  
_(10:31am)_ Hey can I ask you a favour?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:32am)_ of course

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:33am)_ Thanks. Pretty easy  
_(10:33am)_ Just gotta go to the compound  
_(10:33am)_ Knock Tony out  
_(10:33am)_ Pick up my shield and bring it to me  
_(10:33am)_ So I can defend against Sam's robot bird

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:33am)_ what? no, steve.

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:33am)_ He asked me to lunch and I've decided I'm gonna try to express myself without  
_(10:34am)_ Oh man  
_(10:34am)_ No already?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:34am)_ you think he's gonna attack you?  
_(10:34am)_ are things that bad between you guys?

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:34am)_ I have this abiding sense that he knows what I can take now.  
_(10:35am)_ Like he might hit me with tiny darts if I say the wrong thing  
_(10:35am)_ Just because he knows it'll annoy me more than hurt me? You know what I mean?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:35am)_ so if you say something he won't like  
_(10:36am)_ you think he'll just hit you with darts until you comply

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:36am)_ Not comply, exactly.  
_(10:37am)_ Look. It's not a secret that he's mad at me.  
_(10:37am)_ You know we still hang out but I can't  
_(10:37am)_ I can't get to him.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:38am)_ ok  
_(10:38am)_ here's a crazy idea that i just thought of off the top of my head  
_(10:38am)_ have you tried  
_(10:38am)_ talking to him  
_(10:39am)_ without a literal shield of impenetrable metal between you

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:40am)_ That's what I'm trying to do r  
_(10:40am)_ right now but I ca  
_(10:41am)_ I can't stop sweating.  
_(10:41am)_ I'm not meaning to send all these messages.  
_(10:41am)_ It's this touchscreen. What happened to the phones with the keys? I miss those.  
_(10:42am)_ I just thought I'd feel better about it with my shield back.  
_(10:42am)_ Security blanket, or something. You know?  
_(10:42am)_ But you're right.  
_(10:42am)_ That might appear hostile.  
_(10:42am)_ I don't want him to think I'm being hostile.  
_(10:43am)_ Am I texting too much?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:43am)_ you're fine, rogers

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:44am)_ I haven't felt like this since 1943.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:44am)_ awwww  
_(10:44am)_ steve.  
_(10:45am)_ you're gonna do great, okay? you hear me?  
_(10:45am)_ you'll say your peace and sam will be receptive because he wants to be friends.  
_(10:45am)_ this weird tension between you probably isn't what you think.  
_(10:45am)_ just be honest  
_(10:45am)_ and don't hesitate to tell him how you feel either  
_(10:46am)_ with the boner feelings  
_(10:46am)_ if it happens to come up  
_(10:46am)_ i promise it won't be that bad.  
_(10:46am)_ you won't need the shield.  
_(10:46am)_ you can do this. i believe in you.

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:47am)_ Please stop calling them boner feelings.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:47am)_ fine. your swooping feelings  
_(10:47am)_ get it  
_(10:47am)_ sam flies so he  
_(10:47am)_ you know  
_(10:48am)_ swoops

 **steve rogers**  
_(10:48am)_ I get it. Thanks.  
_(10:49am)_ Okay. I can do this.  
_(10:49am)_ I have done harder things in recent memory.  
_(10:49am)_ Don't pun on that.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(10:50am)_ oh man you barely beat me to it

  


  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(10:55am)_ nat  
_(10:56am)_ are you still on your way over here to kill me  
_(10:56am)_ i assume you're on your way over.  
_(10:59am)_ i can wait.  
_(11:04am)_ it's cool.

  


  


  


  


**steve rogers**  
_(11:18am)_ All right. I'm going.  
_(11:18am)_ Just a regular hangout.  
_(11:19am)_ A normal lunch with my extremely handsome friend who flies who's mad at me.  
_(11:19am)_ What could go wrong?  
_(11:19am)_ Just a regular guy going to try to make amends to a friend without admitting to any  
_(11:19am)_ ???  
_(11:20am)_ whatever.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:20am)_ b o n e r  f e e l i n g s ?

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:21am)_ If you must.  
_(11:21am)_ Which clearly you must.  
_(11:22am)_ If you don't hear from me again check the Potomac and follow my trail.  
_(11:22am)_ Guess Siberia's out. Try Australia. Always wanted to go there.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:22am)_ you're not gonna run away.  
_(11:23am)_ if there's anything i know about you steve it's that you always face things head on

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:23am)_ Even when I'm risking making things worse with the only person who's made me feel like living in the moment is even possible since 1944?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:23am)_ even then.  
_(11:24am)_ trust me, steve.  
_(11:24am)_ i'm practically a certified cap expert by now

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:24am)_ Okay.  
_(11:24am)_ I believe you.  
_(11:25am)_ Thanks, Nat.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:25am)_ whenever wherever  
_(11:26am)_ hey happy birthday by the way

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:26am)_ :) Thanks.  
_(11:26am)_ Not bad looking for 98 huh?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:27am)_ not bad at all.  
_(11:27am)_ i'm sure sam agrees.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:27am)_ Oh no.  
_(11:28am)_ Oh please don't.  
_(11:28am)_ He knows how old I am.  
_(11:28am)_ He's got to, right?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:28am)_ steve. relax. he knows who you are.  
_(11:28am)_ drop me a line later and let me know how it went. grab dinner maybe?

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:29am)_ You're on.  
_(11:29am)_ Assuming I'm not living under an assumed name by then.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:30am)_ yes.  
_(11:30am)_ obviously… assuming that.

  


  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(11:32am)_ you're not coming are you  
_(11:34am)_ i can't believe you're abandoning me in this, my time of need

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:35am)_ oh for fucks sake samuel  
_(11:35am)_ take a goddamn shot to calm your nerves or something  
_(11:35am)_ ONE shot  
_(11:36am)_ of TEQUILA  
_(11:36am)_ not of a pistol

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:36am)_ i can't drink TEQUILA are you out of your damn mind  
_(11:36am)_ do you want me to lick the man's entire body in public??

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:37am)_ honestly  
_(11:37am)_ at this point  
_(11:37am)_ yes.  
_(11:37am)_ it's a hot day. sweat's gonna be gathering  
_(11:37am)_ sticking to his abs under that skin tight shirt you know he's gonna wear  
_(11:37am)_ you know you wanna lick it off  
_(11:37am)_ take video!

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:37am)_ what

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:37am)_ if you don't do it for you  
_(11:37am)_ and you don't do it for him

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:37am)_ the fuck

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:37am)_ at least do it for the vine, sam.

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:38am)_ natasha.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:38am)_ are you ready to shut up and just go yet

 **sam wilson**  
_(11:39am)_ i cant read suddenly, i dont know

  


  


  


  


**steve rogers**  
_(11:42am)_ Actually maybe I will try Siberia.  
_(11:42am)_ No one will think to look for me there -again-.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:43am)_ steve.  
_(11:43am)_ if i gouge out my eyeballs im billing you for the damages.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:44am)_ sorry sorry. im going

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:44am)_ why are you lower case NOW

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:45am)_ i mean statistically speaking  
_(11:46am)_ probably either jerking off or making food  
_(11:46am)_ in this case maybe add hanging self to list of possibilities

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:47am)_ i have no idea why i talk to any of you voluntarily.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:48am)_ Any of who???  
_(11:48am)_ Nat.  
_(11:48am)_ Who else are you talking to?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:48am)_ no one, relax.  
_(11:49am)_ try having a few drinks before you go steve  
_(11:49am)_ it can really only help you at this point.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:49am)_ Interesting.  
_(11:50am)_ What's a good number to try?  
_(11:50am)_ Twelve?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:50am)_ shots?  
_(11:51am)_ sure, steve.  
_(11:51am)_ start with twelve.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:53am)_ Well that was mostly just unpleasant.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:54am)_ did you really just do twelve shots

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:54am)_ yup

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:54am)_ wow  
_(11:54am)_ what of

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:54am)_ Vodka

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:54am)_ ah there's your mistake  
_(11:55am)_ should've gone with tequila  
_(11:55am)_ that's never a mistake.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:56am)_ Oh no I'm glad I didn't do that  
_(11:56am)_ Wequila affects even me  
_(11:56am)_ I'd have just jumped over the table and licked his whole neck if I'd gone with tequila

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:56am)_ what is it with  
_(11:56am)_ okay you know what  
_(11:57am)_ are you sure that would be a really really bad thing

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:57am)_ Oh hell no  
_(11:57am)_ I'd enjoy it, no doubt about that  
_(11:57am)_ I just think he deserves a conversation first.  
_(11:58am)_ Oops  
_(11:58am)_ *Tequila  
_(11:58am)_ Haha, okay, now I'm laughing  
_(11:58am)_ Maybe it did do something. Good idea. Thanks, Nat.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(11:58am)_ sure steve. anytime.

 **steve rogers**  
_(11:59pm)_ Oh, no. There's the dread again  
_(12:00pm)_ The dread and the horror.  
_(12:00pm)_ Damn it.  
_(12:00pm)_ Okay well.  
_(12:00pm)_ That was a nice minute of reprieve.  
_(12:00pm)_ Nice knowing you Nat

 **natasha romanov**  
_(12:01pm)_ wish to god i could say the same steve

  


  


  


  


**sam wilson**  
_(4:38pm)_ hey nat

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:38pm)_ oh my god he's still alive  
_(4:38pm)_ it being the hour it is i can only assume lunch is over  
_(4:38pm)_ how'd it go  
_(4:39pm)_ did you go?  
_(4:40pm)_ ...you did go right  
_(4:41pm)_ sam.  
_(4:43pm)_ you didn't stand up steve on his birthday.

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:44pm)_ i wouldn't say i stood him up, no

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:45pm)_ sam wilson.

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:48pm)_ hey nat  
_(4:48pm)_ ive got a riddle for you  
_(4:48pm)_ two shorebirds stand beachside  
_(4:48pm)_ the sun sets and rises and sets and rises and sets and rises  
_(4:48pm)_ all in three minutes  
_(4:49pm)_ the one shorebird turns to the other and says  
_(4:49pm)_ man the days are getting shorter and shorter  
_(4:49pm)_ but the other bird can't reply  
_(4:49pm)_ because he isn't there anymore

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:49pm)_ uh oh

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:49pm)_ you wanna know why natasha  
_(4:49pm)_ you wanna know why the other bird isn't there anymore

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:49pm)_ no no i really dont  
_(4:50pm)_ suddenly sam i am one hundred percent certain i do not want to know

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:50pm)_ the other bird isn't there  
_(4:50pm)_ because

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:50pm)_ sam no don't please

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:50pm)_ THE FALCON HAS LANDED

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:51pm)_ why are you like this

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:51pm)_   [PRAISE EMOJI]  [THUMBS UP EMOJI]  [SAXOPHONE EMOJI]  [WEIGHTLIFTER EMOJI]

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:51pm)_ please spare me

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:51pm)_   [DRAGON EMOJI]  [HOT PEPPER EMOJI]  [FIRE EMOJI]

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:51pm)_ sam i don't want to hear it

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:51pm)_   [BASKETBALL EMOJI]  [100 EMOJI]

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:51pm)_ this thing blocks back you know

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:51pm)_   [FLEXING EMOJI]  [SCREAMING EMOJI]  [PRAYERHANDS EMOJI]

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:51pm)_ shouldn't you be trying to bring rogers back to life right now

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:52pm)_   [TRAIN ENTERING TUNNEL EMOJI]  
_(4:52pm)_ he's fine

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:52pm)_ is he breathing

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:52pm)_   [ZZZ EMOJI]  probably

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:52pm)_ if you sexed captain america into a coma that's on you i hope you know

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:52pm)_ oh i know  
_(4:53pm)_ don't worry about that  
_(4:53pm)_ i will claim that responsibility  
_(4:53pm)_ i will answer that call  
_(4:53pm)_ again  
_(4:53pm)_ and again  
_(4:53pm)_ and again  
_(4:53pm)_ no doubt about it natasha  
_(4:53pm)_ no  
_(4:53pm)_ doubt  
_(4:53pm)_ about  
_(4:54pm)_ that

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:54pm)_ okay. wow. if i'd known how gross you were gonna be i'd have never gotten involved.

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:54pm)_ your habit of telling bald-faced lies is getting pretty out of control. just thought you should know that  
_(4:54pm)_ hey i hope you're happy. i really do  
_(4:55pm)_ your meddling contributed to this noble cause  
_(4:55pm)_ you must be very proud of yourself

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:55pm)_ i did less than you think  
_(4:55pm)_ but i am proud of my boys.  
_(4:55pm)_   [WEDDING CHURCH EMOJI]

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:56pm)_ oh no you don't.  
_(4:56pm)_ don't you take this away from me  
_(4:56pm)_ i fucked captain america  
_(4:56pm)_ hard, romanov  
_(4:57pm)_ have you seen him. show some respect for what has been achieved this day

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:57pm)_   [HEARTS EMOJI]  [KISSING EMOJI]

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:57pm)_ why can't you just be proud of me and my accomplishment  
_(4:58pm)_ can't you give me this one thing

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:58pm)_   [FLOWER EMOJI]  [HOLDING HANDS EMOJI]  [RAINBOW EMOJI]

 **sam wilson**  
_(4:58pm)_ okay. i see how it is  
_(4:58pm)_ you know what i don't even care  
_(4:58pm)_ im just gonna sit here and bask  
_(4:58pm)_ i know what i achieved today  
_(4:58pm)_ if it never shows up in the history books  
_(4:59pm)_ i'll still know  
_(4:59pm)_ and you know what  
_(4:59pm)_ that's enough for me  
_(4:59pm)_ it really is

 **natasha romanov**  
_(4:59pm)_ aww. no video then? :(

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:00pm)_ im not even gonna dignify that with a response.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:00pm)_ :-D joking  
_(5:00pm)_ anyway don't pretend at least part of you isn't just glad steve returns your feelings  
_(5:01pm)_ you can't hide from me  
_(5:01pm)_ i know you too well  
_(5:01pm)_ i see the flower emoji appear by your head when he looks at you

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:01pm)_ what does that even mean  
_(5:01pm)_ i think you're mistaking the hammer emoji for a flower  
_(5:01pm)_ also  
_(5:01pm)_ whatttt feelings  
_(5:01pm)_ are you referring to  
_(5:01pm)_ exactly  
_(5:02pm)_ does cap have  
_(5:02pm)_ uhh what do you mean by  
_(5:02pm)_ whose feelings sorry ?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:02pm)_ oh shit.  
_(5:03pm)_ are you shitting me right now?  
_(5:06pm)_ SAM. ANSWER ME

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:06pm)_ ahahaha yeah i totally am  
_(5:07pm)_ i know he digs the falcon

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:07pm)_ DON'T DO THAT TO ME!!!

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:07pm)_ [CRY LAUGHING EMOJI]  
_(5:08pm)_ anyway did confirm youve been a double agent this whole time  
_(5:08pm)_ so thanks for that  
_(5:08pm)_ really this time. i mean it. thank you.  
_(5:09pm)_ probably wouldn't have done it without you  
_(5:09pm)_ i guess i owe you. or something.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:09pm)_ :) nah.  
_(5:09pm)_ just keep being happy wilson  
_(5:10pm)_ that's all i need from you

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:10pm)_ that i can do.  
_(5:10pm)_   [EXPLOSION EMOJI]  [OKAY EMOJI]

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:10pm)_ that and to stop texting me sexually explicit emoji chains

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:11pm)_   [FIREWORKS EMOJI]  i'll get right on that

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:11pm)_ uh huh  
_(5:11pm)_ so tell me  
_(5:12pm)_ how's it feel to have just bedded a 98 year old man

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:12pm)_ a  
_(5:12pm)_ hold up.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:12pm)_ ROGERS, STEVEN  
_(5:12pm)_ DATE OF BIRTH: JULY 4, 1918

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:12pm)_ oh  
_(5:13pm)_ my god i  
_(5:13pm)_ hate you so much.  
_(5:13pm)_ for real this time

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:13pm)_ how soon we forget…!!

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:13pm)_ this isn't one of those things where i say i hate you and mean the other thing  
_(5:13pm)_ i mean i really hate you  
_(5:13pm)_ i really  
_(5:14pm)_ really  
_(5:14pm)_ hate you

 **natasha romanov**  
_(5:14pm)_ :-D gotta go  
_(5:14pm)_ bye sam

 **sam wilson**  
_(5:14pm)_ why you gotta this to me natasha  
_(5:15pm)_ why can't you just let me have one nice thing.

  


  


  


  


**steve rogers**  
_(6:02pm)_ Hey. You still on for dinner? I'm buying.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:02pm)_ hey, steve.  
_(6:02pm)_ sure, i'm in. let me pay though. it's not every day you turn 98.

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:02pm)_ And thank you for that constant reminder of how old I am.  
_(6:02pm)_ I'll fight you for the cheque later. I don't have the energy right now.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:03pm)_ so how'd it go? i assume since you're still using this number you haven't gone rogue

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:03pm)_ Uh, yeah. You could say it went well.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:04pm)_ oh, really? how well?

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:04pm)_ Your pretensions at ignorance are hilarious. I saw Sam texting you earlier. You know how well it went.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:05pm)_ :-D  
_(6:05pm)_ sorry. force of habit  
_(6:05pm)_ i'm really, really glad for you, steve. i mean it. you deserve it.

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:05pm)_ I'm glad, too.  
_(6:06pm)_ I couldn't have done it without you, Nat.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:06pm)_ anytime. you know that.  
_(6:06pm)_ so did you lick him or what

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:06pm)_ Not his neck.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:06pm)_ i really  
_(6:07pm)_ did not expect you to answer that and i have regrets  
_(6:07pm)_ im learning so much more about you than i ever wanted to know steve  
_(6:07pm)_ i'm a spy  
_(6:07pm)_ so please know in your heart what i mean when i say that

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:07pm)_ :) you did ask.  
_(6:08pm)_ Hey, you want me to try to track down Banner for you?  
_(6:08pm)_ Return the favour for nudging Sam in the right direction for me?

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:08pm)_ what's a sam  
_(6:09pm)_ i don't know what you're talking about

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:09pm)_ Uh-huh.  
_(6:09pm)_ Seriously, though  
_(6:09pm)_ I can talk to T'Challa next time I'm in Wakanda. See if he knows anything.  
_(6:10pm)_ He really might, you know.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:12pm)_ nah.  
_(6:12pm)_ he's used to…  
_(6:14pm)_ i get it. i don't want to infringe.  
_(6:15pm)_ it's fine.  
_(6:16pm)_ but thanks.

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:18pm)_ Okay. You change your mind, let me know.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:18pm)_ i will. thanks.

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:18pm)_ Anytime. You know that.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:18pm)_ i do.  
_(6:21pm)_ so where do you want to go for dinner?  
_(6:21pm)_ you need carbs or something?

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:23pm)_ Oh. Yeah.  
_(6:24pm)_ Yeah I was gonna suggest sushi but that's actually… a good point. Pasta sounds good.  
_(6:24pm)_ Preferably lots of it.  
_(6:27pm)_ ...preferably nothing with chicken.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:28pm)_ … steve ...

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:28pm)_ hahahaha

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:28pm)_ that was a weird joke for so many reasons  
_(6:28pm)_ are you okay

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:28pm)_ i cant stop laughign  
_(6:28pm)_ possibly delirious  
_(6:28pm)_ cant get my limbs to work right  
_(6:28pm)_ i think im just relieved or  
_(6:29pm)_ happy  
_(6:29pm)_ maybe.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:29pm)_ okay. wow.  
_(6:29pm)_ who knew captain america's weakness would finally be uncovered in the form of sam wilson  
_(6:29pm)_ i'll be there in an hour to pick you up, okay?  
_(6:30pm)_ hang in there.  
_(6:30pm)_ you fucking weirdo.

 **steve rogers**  
_(6:30pm)_ it's under control.  
_(6:31pm)_ it's fine.  
_(6:31pm)_ i got this.  
_(6:31pm)_ see you in an hour.

  


  


  


  


**natasha romanov**  
_(6:42pm)_ hey again.  
_(6:42pm)_ i'm not trying to bother you i swear  
_(6:43pm)_ i just wanted to tell you that i get your situation... better. now.  
_(6:43pm)_ and that i'm sorry if i didn't react well before.  
_(6:43pm)_ it's complicated. i understand.  
_(6:44pm)_ maybe neither of us were ready for… whatever we were trying to do  
_(6:44pm)_ but i'm still here for you, bruce.  
_(6:44pm)_ regardless of what happened.  
_(6:45pm)_ whatever you need. anytime. i mean it.

 **55555**  
_(6:49pm)_ SERVICE ERROR: MESSAGE DELIVERY FAILED. The number you are trying to reach is not in service. Please resend using a valid 10-digit number.

 **natasha romanov**  
_(6:52pm)_ okay, well.  
_(6:52pm)_ you know where to find me if you change your mind.  
_(6:52pm)_ i hope you're okay.  
_(6:52pm)_ xoxo

  


  


  


**55555**  
_(7:24pm)_ I'm okay, Natasha. Thanks. But I don't want to talk.  
_(7:24pm)_ I hope you're okay too. x


End file.
